but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
