FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
