i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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