i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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