a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
