you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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