Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
