I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
