I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
