I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
