His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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