I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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