fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I need a burrito and a hug.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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