Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
