i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
