u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
