Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
