dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize