He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
