I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
