I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
