I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize