hotel room ftw
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
