Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
