I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
