Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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