The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
