Pants 0. Shit 1.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
