When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His nipple licking is glorious
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