there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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