Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
