Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
