Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
