woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My ass is underappreciated
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
