I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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