I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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