you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My balls are so social today.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
