i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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