My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
