All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
