True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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