Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
