Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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