Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
