I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
