This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
