Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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