omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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