Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
