i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
