Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
