I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
