His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize