I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
