is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
