In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
