so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
