the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
