My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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