Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
