Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize