i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
