The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
