So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
