i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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