Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
