You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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