well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
