Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
