So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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