omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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