That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
