I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
