Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
