I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize