This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
