Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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