I wish I could punch you in the face.
Where is the hickey?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize