i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
