you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
