I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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