So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
