I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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