Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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