I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
