Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
