its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
