I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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