I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
