we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
