lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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