did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
