Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
