Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need to sanitize my soul.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
