Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
