i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
