i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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