im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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