I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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