matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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