i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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