Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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