i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
