His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
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