Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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