I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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