How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize