I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My vagina just recognized that song.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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