the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
