i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
