Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
