Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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