Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
