she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
