Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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